Thursday, December 8, 2016

To Xfinity and beyond Speechless

Gotta make an exception here, friends. While I typically only post and comment on content that hates on men and dads, I was shocked that one of the country's largest cable and internet providers decided it was a good idea to hate on grandparents this holiday season. Was this supposed to be funny? I didn't laugh. Actually, it made me really emotional. We lost my Opa back in 2007, 2 months before Christmas. We lost my Grandpa Reed just one week before Christmas in 2014. I can't be the only person in my family that feels really sad when I see "Grandpa's chair" in the living room on Christmas Eve, empty.

Xfinity opens up this commercial with grandparents reading tweets from their grandchildren. "Entering the gates of Hell, aka Grandma's house. No shows or wifi". "Going off the grid for a while, pray for me". Damn, kid. You mean to tell me, you haven't been able to get your parents to pay for unlimited data for you yet? And I always thought this was the "entitled" generation. How *do* you function? One set of grandparents, clearly offended and hurt by reading these tweets, decide to get Xfinity by Comcast. (do I even want to address the fact that these 70 yr old+ adults are even on Twitter? Is YOUR grandma on Twitter? Mine isn't)
Considering all of the sets of grandparents were reading from the same phone, I guess we should assume that Comcast provided them with smartphones and had them read what their grand-kids were saying? Like what Jimmy Fallon does for "mean celebrity tweets"? Anyway, they get a crash course by the friendly Comcast installer on how to use Wifi, Netflix, and even the cool voice-activated remote control. The remote is the "XR11", just in case you were wondering. If you don't have it, you ought to upgrade.(Seriously, though).

Soon, the grand-kids are at the front door. Adorned with knitted hats, gloves, scarves (likely made by Grandma), they walk in. The grandfather lights up, and shows them how he can talk into the remote and say "Keep the change, you filthy animal" (which actually MAY be my favorite quote from any movie, considering Home Alone is my favorite movie, followed by a close second, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York), and Home Alone starts playing on the television. The kids are able to communicate with the outside world, since they have wifi. Everyone is happy. Good job, grandparents. You have successfully fed into this generation's insatiable appetite for constant streaming.

How about this, asshole kids(in the commercial)... talk to your grandparents.You can even use more than 140 characters at a time. Talk about what's happening in school, sports, your job. Let them grill you about your love life, even let them get your name wrong a few times: it doesn't mean they love you any less. Watch old family movies or spend time making new memories to record, just get your nose out of your phone! One year at Christmas your grandparents will be gone, and you can watch all of the Netflix that you want. Let me know how Netflix hugs back or shares memories from the Christmas of 44, 78, or 1983.

***I should note, the commercial below is the "long" version that is only available online. I couldn't find the tv edit which is considerably shorter. It left out the teenage girl taking a picture of her grandmother's old black and white picture and posting it to Instagram. Or, using a filter to make her grandma have "no wrinkles". Regardless of Comcast's lame attempt to make this commercial "sentimental", I still found it offensive. Let grandparents do their thing. If they only want to have basic cable, let them. If they think Wifi is a new Chinese take-out place, let them think that.  If they don't know how to work the remote for their shitty Zenith tv from 1992, remind them how to use it. Shield them from the modern technologies that so many of us use and take for granted every day. Why? They are fine without them. Their generation fought in WWII, they gave up stuff to use as scrap metal, they survived the Great Depression. I promise you, if they don't know how to use Snapchat, they will get by just fine. Can OUR generation survive a Christmas without wifi? Let's try.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

This was saved as a DRAFT in my Blog....KRAFT is no stranger to hating on men!

First-who brings clients home for dinner? That is just weird. That only happens in movies and apparently, mac and cheese commercials.

Second-I am SO over "smart-ass" kids in commercials. "Dad really messed this one up" (by inviting his client over to dinner without telling Mom).Way to be stereotypical, too, by making the client Asian. How expected.

Mom saves the day, thanks to Kraft Homestyle Mac and Cheese and quick thinking.


This MAY be one of the worst Stupid Man Commercials to date! Congratulations, Esurance! While your peers are busy just implying that men are complete fools, you actually commit to copy by displaying a name plate under "Hank" that reads "out-of-touch Dad". Really? You mean, holding a hose while it slowly (like, usually it takes DAYS to fill up a pool) is being "in touch"? Who would think that? But, just in case some viewers slipped through the cracks, Hank's phone has a clown-like ring tone to Eforce the Effort to make Hank look as dumb as possible. My favorite part is that the neighbor is a black man. Could you imagine if the "out of touch Dad" was a black guy being corrected by a white male neighbor? (GASP!) The irony in the desperate attempt to be politically correct while mocking "Hank" is absolutely fantastic. Yeah, this is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson.

Krafting a Pregnancy Disaster

First, I must apologize for being absent for, well, over a year. Apparently, it's hard to have a full-time job, somewhat of a social life, and still manage to update a blog that you claim to be passionate about, in a reasonable amount of time. My apologies! Lucky for us, there has been a ton of great content in the last few months that we can expose! The gem below was on one of the major networks late last night. The culprit is Kraft Mac & Cheese. This makes me sad for several reasons: 1. I fiercely defend Kraft Mac & Cheese as being "THE" only powdered poison cheese and noodles in a box worth consuming! I have been in (often times, drunken) debates with strangers about the superiority of the contents in that blue box. It's better than the generic. It's better than the organic. It's better than home made (you KNOW it is, too). 2. Actually, I don't have another reason..... So, let's just go ahead and get into this. I'm not sure what's worse, the selfish Dad or the annoying-know-it-all kid. Since when does a 6 year old know what the word "questionable" means? Since when can they even pronounce it? Poor Mom is cooped up, alone and VERY pregnant in bed, while her (lazy and apparently hungry) husband and son relax downstairs. The woman requests some mac and cheese from her husband. She does this via text (which I have got to imagine is just a sign of our times, and not that the house is THAT big). Her husband rushes to the kitchen, opens the coveted blue box, and within moments, is back on the couch with a tv dinner table (what are those tables actually called?), inhaling the cheesy noodles. He failed to bring any up to his wife, who soon calls him out for his selfish and inconsiderate behavior. Damn guy, don't you know NEVER to come between a pregnant woman and her cravings? Stupid man.....

Thursday, August 1, 2013

He Went Out For Milk and Came Home With a Puppy...

I have a $256.93 balance on my Discover card. I intend on cancelling my card next month after it's paid off. Why give money to a company that publicly degrades men? This woman asked her husband to pay the bill, and he forgot? Wow-the horror. What a stupid man and horrible husband, right? If that is not bad enough, he came home with a puppy last week instead of a milk run? 

Doesn't that go against EVERY single sitcom and family movie, when the kids find a stray dog and look at their father at the dinner table and ask, "Dad, can we keep him"?

Stupid man-you can't follow directions, you are financially irresponsible, and you don't know the difference between milk and a puppy.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Candy Bar. Really?

Not everyone enjoys eating "fiber", which is why there are countless products on the market that make it as easy as possible. Colorless powders, pills, and powerbars do their best to 'appeal' to the many of us that simply do not get enough fiber. I don't know how many grams of fiber are recommended a day,but I know for a fact I don't get enough. That said...I for SURE know the difference between a candy bar and 'fiber bar'. The stupid man featured in the commercial below apparently does not.

Stupid man...since when are "candy bars" made of granola or grains? I bet his wife has to add chocolate to his milk in order for him to drink it? Why-because all men are like little kids and, well, stupid.